No Emma Stone in the Zombieland

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Wednesday, 14 April 2010

A Rude Awakening

Posted on 07:31 by Unknown
A Rude Awakening



He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. He had told her that she was the beautiful woman he had ever seen. She knew that he was lying to her. All men lied. So it didn’t bother her. Besides, she had done her homework. For three months she had studied women, the clothes they wore, and the things they did to attract men. Men were easy. All she had had to do was leave a few buttons of her blouse open, and wear a skirt with a slit cut a bit higher than normal. She thought he would try to undress her in the elevator. How improper.
            
She was sore. She didn’t think sex would be painful. When she told the Beautiful Man she was a virgin he hadn’t believed her. He laughed, in fact. After she had pressed the matter he had been all the more eager to have sex with her. She didn’t think she wanted to have sex as a woman anymore. It had felt better when she was a man.
            
Now that she had had sex as a man, and a woman, she was ready to make her decision. The Queen Mother had told her she would need to choose whether she would spend her allotted time as a man or a woman. She was ready to choose. She would be a man. Looking at the Beautiful Man as he slept she decided she would look like him. She had never seen a man so beautiful. And if she were going to spend her allotted time as a man she wanted to be beautiful.
            
Turning over on her side she put her hand on the Beautiful Man’s face. Rubbing it ever so gently her face shifted to look as beautiful as his. Grasping his arms her biceps changed from slender and meek to bulge with muscle. Wherever she let her fingers glide her body changed and became a beautiful copy of the Beautiful Man.
            
All that was left was his sex organ. It was not so large as the one from her previous male body, but maybe she could make an alteration. Talking the organ in her hand it became erect with pleasure. The man moaned and muttered but she did not understand him. For no apparent reason the man jumped from the bed shouting what she had come to recognize as curses. He asked who she was, but when she told him, he did not believe her. Storming out of the door he screamed he better never see her again. Humans are the strangest creatures, she thought. Unfortunately she had no male sex organ, now. She would not be enjoying her allotted time as a man.
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Posted in Mid-Week Madness, Short Story | No comments

Monday, 12 April 2010

Monday Madness

Posted on 08:12 by Unknown
I apologize for being absent from the Madhouse all last week. Two weekends ago my wife and I moved to a new apartment. I swear, moving has to be the fifth portal of Hell. Or it's the closest thing that we'll experience to Hell on earth. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm back and have a quote for every one. It inspired me over the weekend. I had come to a point of frustration with my novel that I was one the verge of scrapping it. I've heard many writers say to never scrap any project you're working on, but finish it no matter how bad it seemed. However, this project seemed to have no remedy. I wanted to put a bullet in it like Old Yeller. To me, that was the ultimate cure. Thankfully I vented my frustrations on Twitter, and one of my followers tweeted back some wonderful advice. 'Twas this . . .
The first draft of anything is shit.
The quote comes via Hemingway. As praised and he was/is I can only assume that he must be write. Therefore, when I woke this morning I resumed my work on The Land of Nod, and walked away with some wonderful results. Thank. The. Lord. I'm looking forward to waking up in the morning, sitting to write, and seeing where my story takes me.

Somehow, someway, you can apply this to your day and find some inspiration in Heminway's words. If your writer, don't File 13 whatever your working on. Don't stop. Tough it out. For God's sake, keep writing. Someone may need those words your putting to paper. Someone will read that story.

Before I bid everyone ado. My wife and I went to see The Bounty Hunter two weeks ago. Obviously I haven't blogged about it. Why? I didn't find the movie to be worthy of a review, honestly. But I will rank it for my movies of 2010. Here we go . . .

1. How To Train Your Dragon

2. Shutter Island

3. The Crazies

4. Alice In Wonderland

5. Book of Eli

6. Remember Me

7. Valentine's Day

8. The Bounty Hunter

This weekend I plan to see . . .



Until next time,

Adios and via con dios
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Posted in 2010 Movie Rankings, Monday Madness | No comments

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Stars

Posted on 06:48 by Unknown
Stars



“Ricky"

"Yeah, Bernice."

"Look at that star."

"What about it?"

"I've never seen anything like it."

"I don't even see it."

"See the Big Dipper. It's to the left of--"

"I don't even know where that is."

Bernice sighed. "It's so pretty," she said, "I think it's changing colors. Look Ricky."

"Bern, I don't see it. I think whatever you smoked must hav--"

"It's coming closer. Right out of the sky. Coming down."

"Dammit Bernice, you're hallucinating. There's nothing in the sky." Ricky swept his hands out. Bernice wasn't even listening to him. She was focused on whatever she claimed to see. "C'mon Bernie, let's get out of here. You need to sleep off whatever you're on."

Ricky slid off the hood of the car. He had to steady himself. He drank too much and was getting dizzy. He yelled at Bernice to get in the car. She hadn't moved from the hood. He reached through the window and honked the horn. "C'mon." He yelled. She didn't move. Ricky walked to the passenger side of the car. He reached out to give Bernice a shake. At Ricky's touch Bernice dissolved like sugar in hot tea. In shock Ricky jerked his hand away. He shouted, "What the hell?"

He looked to the sky and not a star lit the night. The moon seemed to hide itself from sight. A void of black is all that hung over head.
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Posted in Mid-Week Madness, Short Story | No comments

Monday, 29 March 2010

Monday Madness

Posted on 08:09 by Unknown
Hope everyone's Monday is off to a great start. Mine is.

I wrote for the first time in four days. I do my best not to go extended periods of time without writing. It doesn't always work out that way, however. 

I'm halfway through my fourth chapter. 

I broke the 20k word mark. I don't really have a goal for total word count. This particular novel will probably work best in a YA market. Therefore, an overestimate is going to be 100k words. That way I can trim it down. A underestimate is going to be 80k words. The latter will be better. 

To kick start Monday Madness I have a quote that I discovered over the weekend. It comes from Albert Einstein. He happens to have some of my favorite quotations. If you scroll down to the bottom of the Madhouse you'll see my absolute favorite quote from him. Without further ado here's your jet fuel . . .

"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." -Albert Einstein
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Posted in Monday Madness, Novel | No comments

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Can I Have A Dragon, Please?

Posted on 17:15 by Unknown
Before I review How To Train Your Dragon we have a new member to the Madhouse. Welcome my sister-in-law Jenifer. To check out her blog click on these words *Our Life Together*

How To Train Your Dragon has debunked Shutter Island, and now rules the top spot of my 2010 Movie Rankings. We'll get to that in a minute.

The animation was great. I think it's some of the best I've seen. It really shows how far the technology advance with each movie.

Besides the dragons what made the movie for me was the voice acting. That can usually make or break an animated movie. Gerard Butler speaking with his natural accent pleased my ears. Strange as it was to hear vikings speak with a Scottish accent it suited the movie.

I love the tale of the unexpected hero. I'm working on a novel now where the hero is someone the other characters wouldn't expect. I could relate to Hiccup. That hooked me and reeled me in before we had any interaction with Toothless.

The world was beautiful. A big part of fantasy tales are the worlds. More often than not you're creating one from scratch. The aerial shots with Hiccup riding Toothless were as breath taking as Avatar, and honestly, I found them more enjoyable. Instead of discovering a world I was on an adventure. Avatar didn't feel like an adventure, it felt alien. I felt at home in this movie. It made me want to stay, and by the end of the movie I thought, "I can't wait for the sequel."

Now, the dragons. The were a gas! Beautiful. Imaginative. Scary. Awesome. After watching the movie it made me want to go and buy the book. A good movie will do that. My favorite dragon - hands down - was Toothless. He was unique from the other dragons and filled me with wonder. I sat there imagining what it would be like to really fly on one of the winged creatures.

My final words: Go see this movie.

2010 Movie Rankings:

1. How To Train Your Dragon

2. Shutter Island

3. The Crazies

4. Alice In Wonderland

5. Book of Eli

6. Remember Me

7. Valentine's Day

If you notice the list has expanded. Eventually we'll turn it into a top ten, or twenty.

Next week I plan on seeing Clash of the Titans. I hope to God it doesn't shame the original.

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Posted in 2010 Movie Rankings, Movie Review | No comments

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Wolf Dreams

Posted on 19:42 by Unknown


This is Diesel. We had to put him down today.

R.I.P Mad Dog.

I'll see you in the Wolf Dream.
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Friday, 26 March 2010

Lame Joke

Posted on 08:36 by Unknown
I can't find the video icon on my blog. Don't know what happened. That ruins my plans for Freaky Friday. Curses! Oh well, adapt and overcome. Here's a joke to end your week with and start your weekend on . . .

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->  THEY BOTH HAVE DIRT BAGS!!!!!!!!!!

Lame, I know. Trust me, the video would have been much better. I'll try and find out what the problem is. This weekend my wife and I are planning on seeing How To Train Your Dragon. I have a feeling this is going to be one of my favorite movies for 2010. Really looking forward to seeing it . . .



Until next time,

Adios and via con dios
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Posted in Freaky Friday, Lame Joke | No comments
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