The last week and a half I've been walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not very close but I've enjoyed the reflection time.
I've been thinking about who I am as a man, a Christian, and an aspiring writer.
Directly off the top of my head, I hate calling myself an aspiring writer. From here on out I refuse to do so. That's effin' derogatory. It's like claiming I'm not a man. I get every morning at 7:30am, eat breakfast, and then from 8am-10am I write. A good deal of what I've written has gone to the trash. But, still, I write.
I said in a few blogs past that one day you're going to walk into a book store, somewhere in the world, and you're going to see a book I've written on the shelf. That doesn't make me a writer. That just means I'm published. I put the time and the effort into writing everyday. I love it. I spend my time brainstorming and being creative telling tales - if to no one other than myself - that I've never heard told before. That makes me a frakkin' writer.
My last few attempts at writing a manuscript have bombed. I recently tried to write a horror story. It was bleak. I got bored trying to do it. Not my cup of tea.
I've learned that fantasy is where I want to concentrate my efforts. I have a special affinity for the genre, and thought I want to write other things, there will never be anything more special than epic heroic fantasy.
Every time I read Brandon Sanderson my heart burns and in my head I scream, "I can do this." Robert Jordan took my on a vast adventure of such scope I still reel from it. I want to write novels of grandeur that will make people want to never leave the high seas of their imagination.
I really needed to get that off my chest. Thank you for allowing me.
Growing older I've learned this about myself: The older I get the less I care and the less I care the more I do to show people I don't care. I really don't care what anyone thinks and it really puts a skip in my step to prove people that I don't. Maybe it's a flaw I've developed but who cares.
Making the decision not to go into the ministry has caused me to do serious soul searching for more than six months. It's something I think about a good deal of the time. Part of the reason is because Tulsa, Oklahoma is the mecca for Charismatic Christianity. The essence of my decision was this: I don't think I'd be happy spending the rest of my life as a minister. That's why I decided to jump ship and dedicate my life to writing. First of all, Christianity will fit into any mold you put it into. It is the mold.
God is the greatest story teller. Ever. Read the Bible for goodness sakes. The tale of Gideon was the original tale of the 300. I'm sorry, but Zakk Snyder nor Frank Miller told a story of the 300 as grand as God did. Not even the 300 Spartans were as glorious as Gideon and his 300 soldiers.
Read about Jesus. Read about the awesome things He did for people. Read about the miracles he worked and the lives He changed. You don't even have to believe in Him to be touched.
People that can't read the Bible and be inspired have no imagination.
You grew up.
You left Neverland.
I want to spend the rest of my life telling stories like my Father. I want to tell stories of heroic men and women who work miracles by magic, by strength, or my intelligence. I want to tell stories that make people want to get up and fight each day's battle. I want to tell stories that make people want to be better. Can you really do that writing fantasy? Yeah. Robert Jordan changed my life by telling the story of The Wheel of Time. I want to be a hero. The tale of Jesus - which is the greatest tale told (because it's true) - makes me want to be the best.
When I write fantasy I want people to think, there's Magic out there. When people read my stories I want them to believe that Something greater is out there.
Don't think you ever have to fit someone else's mold. Don't think you have to do it someone else's way. Living in Tulsa sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by robots. Christians only think they can serve God by preaching from a pulpit, or some time of church ministry. I never want to live programmed to do it like the guy who went before me. Screw that. I'd rather be like Frank Sinatra and do it Mark's way.
Until next time,
Adios and via con dios
