No Emma Stone in the Zombieland

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Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Death By Samurai

Posted on 07:11 by Unknown


Alfonzo painted.

Everything Alfonzo painted came to life.

In no uncertain terms this scared the shit out of Alfonzo. Two nights prior Alfonzo slept with a woman named Maroon. Alfonzo had painted her. When she stepped out of the painting she was naked. Alfonzo liked to paint naked. They were both naked. He couldn’t stop the inevitable from happening.

Last night Alfonzo painted a samurai. Alfonzo hated samurais. That’s not why he painted one. He wanted to see if it, too, would come alive. It did. The samurai chased Alfonzo around his studio. Katana unsheathed, and in hand, the samurai cornered Alfonzo and stabbed him through his middle. As Alfonzo died he thought, I should have painted a woman named Purple, or money that filled my accounts.

Alfonzo lay dead. His wife found him the next morning.

Alfonzo’s wife studied Alfonzo’s final painting. It was a samurai. Red paint smeared the blade of his katana.

Nothing that Alfonzo painted ever lived again.
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Posted in Mid-Week Madness, Short Story | No comments

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Are Books Going the Way of CDs?

Posted on 08:03 by Unknown
Before I started buying MP3s I had the biggest CD collection of anyone I knew.

Thinking about it, I would guess that 1 out of every 5 CDs had a warning label on it.

Some of the music I enjoyed had explicit content: Guns 'n Roses, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Metallica, etc.

I don't really care for any of those bands anymore, but if this lady in FLA gets her way, our library books are going to come packaged with a warning label (<---- click here).

Sure, this lady has good intentions. I wonder, though, has she ever heard of a book called The Cathcer in the Rye. It's considered an American classic. All the vulgarity this woman wants to avoid this book packs it. Salinger's masterpiece is one of the most banned, and most studied books in America. Rye is considered the perfect portrait of teen angst. It's sits high atop my To-Read list.

Attempting to censor books is not going to stop people, or kids for that matter, from getting their hands on the books. It never stopped me from getting my hands on the music I wanted. The explicit content label seemed more like a trophy than a warning. Instead of censoring people's work maybe this lady should step up, be a parent, and talk to her kids. I wouldn't know, though. Maybe she does. If so, why try to parent other peoples kids?

Besides that, the reason a library has sections like childrens, young adult, and adult is so that someone who needs to be reading age appropriate novels can be guided in the right direction.

I, for one, think that this lady is hurting her cause more than she's helping it.
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Monday, 19 April 2010

Morning Zest = Wife + Tohline + David

Posted on 08:22 by Unknown
I don't like to drink coffee. It's the taste. The bitterness of it makes my taste buds scream in pain. I'm more of a tea guy. Sweet tea only. When I wake up in the mornings I have a routine: bowl of cereal, sit down to write, and a tall glass of sweet tea in reach. However, this is all beside the point. Waking up I can be a pretty grumpy guy. I have to do something for my morning zest. I do this by going to my favorite blogs. These are blogs that are run by people I know, like, and consider friends.

I tell you about these blogs because I think it's a good way to get your day off on the right foot.


Keeping Up With The Westmorelands

This one is run by my smokin' hot wife, Dawn. Henceforth, we shall call her Sunny D. I don't call her that but she is a nice ray of sunshine. Her blog is summed up in the title; it's a chronicle of our life. She's also a guru of fashion. You can see her thoughts on clothing, make up, and the latest styles (Personally I skip those). Don't tell her that. Shhhh . . . I can guarantee you'll be won over by her ravishing personality within a few blogs. If not then you should probably check your pulse. 


The Great Lenore

Jordan and I met at a parking garage. We share a common bond in that we parked cars together. He introduced me to Hemingway. I introduced him to Robert Jordan. I have yet to read Hemingway. Jordan has yet to read Robert Jordan. But, hey, the door is always there. His blog focuses around the art of writing. He offers resources and advice on writing. Check out the preview of his novel The Great Lenore (<-------- CLICK ON THESE WORDS), and you'll see that his advice is worth heeding. On a side note, every time I read Jordan's blog I'm always inserting new words into my vocabulary toolbox. Like gregarious. What an astounding word.


John Stamos

Right now, you're scratching your head and you're wondering why the name of John Stamos is under a picture that's not even him. Well, when you click on John's name it's going to take you to a blog that this Heart Throb proclaims is the greatest site E.V.E.R. The blog is run my one of best friends Marc David. We share a first name - although he spells his different than mine - and we share a middle name. Some would say coincidence. But it's really not. It had to be fate. The first time I hung out with Marc David was Thanksgiving three years ago. We feasted and then saw a shitty movie. He watched while I slept. The movie you ask was Hitman. Marc summed it up perfectly when he said, "The best thing about the whole movie were the boobies, and they weren't even that nice." You're either going to love Marc David or be offended. Even if you do fall head over heels in love with him you may be offended, anyway. It's a right lovable quality. He's one of a kind and I'm proud to say he's one of my best friends.

***It would now behoove you to click on the name under each picture. It will take you to their blogs - places of Zest. 

**** The arrows pointing to The Great Lenore commanding that you, "CLICK ON THESE WORDS." Don't ignore those. They will take you to read a preview of Jordan's book. You didn't know this, but your life depends on this action. Well, maybe just your computer. You love your computer and you wouldn't want any harm to come to it, right? Well, click on the words and as Jordan would say, "fly."
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Sunday, 18 April 2010

3 People From 3 Fields That Make My Creative Juices Flow

Posted on 11:27 by Unknown

Robert Jordan

In my mind I like to call him Papa Jordan. He's the reason I wanted to become a writer. Writing has always been something I've enjoyed, but it wasn't something I wanted to dedicate my life to until I picked up a copy of The Eye of the World. 

Eye begins pretty ordinarily. It brings back memories of the Shire. And then you get a swift kick in the face from a Trolloc, and the book becomes something else entirely. There is no other fantasy series like The Wheel of Time. Its scope is far reaching. Its story lines are endless. Its characters are are inspiring. Its world is crowned by imagination. Its marked with tragedy. Jordan wasn't able to finish his epic. He died before he was able to pen the final book - the most important of them all. Rand would finally meet the Dark One on the battlefield of Tarmon Gaidon. Thanks to Harriet McDougal, Jordan's widow, the series will be finished. The torch has been passed on to Brandon Sanderson. Who is, in his own right, a fantasy heavyweight. His Mistborn trilogy sits high atop my To-Read list. I drool with anticipation to one day read this series.


Bob Dylan

In truth, there's really no reason Bob Dylan should be a rock 'n roll legend. He can't sing. He's all but a decent musician. His music can be aimless. But no one can put ink to paper like Dylan. I believe he's the greatest wordsmith of modern times. I have to be careful when I put Bob Dylan's music on. My day will very easily become a Bob Dylan day, and I'll have forgotten all the other music I wanted to listen to. No one takes up more room on my iPod than Dylan. I love him that much. 

I like to think that if Shakespeare were alive today that even he would be awed by Robert Zimmerman's words.


Dr. James B. Richards

Christianity is the most right yet most abused religion on the face of God's green earth. Turn on the television and you'll be swamped with a plethora of funny, weird, and wrong doctrines. Sadly, I'm a pessimist when it comes to the "Church". The only shinning beacon I've found is the ministry of Dr. Richards, Impact Ministries. He help me to learn to follow my heart. He encourages me to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer. In fact, he had as much to do with my desire to be printed as Robert Jordan. His book Grace: The Power to Change revolutionized my life. I don't try to please God with my own works. It's all about the finished work of Christ. He's a man that one day I hope to just sit and converse with. 

These 3 individuals make my creative juices pump. I can turn to anyone of them when I feel uninspired, and I walk away vigorous ready to conquer the page with pen. 

***You can click on their names and go to their individual sites. They're worth check out.

****The link for Robert Jordan will take you to Dragonmount. It is a Wheel of Time fan community. However, the fine people over at the site also hosted Robert Jordan's blog. If you take some time to shift through the blogs you'll find treasures of WoT info, writing advice, and odd facts that Jordan decided to share.
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Wednesday, 14 April 2010

A Rude Awakening

Posted on 07:31 by Unknown
A Rude Awakening



He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. He had told her that she was the beautiful woman he had ever seen. She knew that he was lying to her. All men lied. So it didn’t bother her. Besides, she had done her homework. For three months she had studied women, the clothes they wore, and the things they did to attract men. Men were easy. All she had had to do was leave a few buttons of her blouse open, and wear a skirt with a slit cut a bit higher than normal. She thought he would try to undress her in the elevator. How improper.
            
She was sore. She didn’t think sex would be painful. When she told the Beautiful Man she was a virgin he hadn’t believed her. He laughed, in fact. After she had pressed the matter he had been all the more eager to have sex with her. She didn’t think she wanted to have sex as a woman anymore. It had felt better when she was a man.
            
Now that she had had sex as a man, and a woman, she was ready to make her decision. The Queen Mother had told her she would need to choose whether she would spend her allotted time as a man or a woman. She was ready to choose. She would be a man. Looking at the Beautiful Man as he slept she decided she would look like him. She had never seen a man so beautiful. And if she were going to spend her allotted time as a man she wanted to be beautiful.
            
Turning over on her side she put her hand on the Beautiful Man’s face. Rubbing it ever so gently her face shifted to look as beautiful as his. Grasping his arms her biceps changed from slender and meek to bulge with muscle. Wherever she let her fingers glide her body changed and became a beautiful copy of the Beautiful Man.
            
All that was left was his sex organ. It was not so large as the one from her previous male body, but maybe she could make an alteration. Talking the organ in her hand it became erect with pleasure. The man moaned and muttered but she did not understand him. For no apparent reason the man jumped from the bed shouting what she had come to recognize as curses. He asked who she was, but when she told him, he did not believe her. Storming out of the door he screamed he better never see her again. Humans are the strangest creatures, she thought. Unfortunately she had no male sex organ, now. She would not be enjoying her allotted time as a man.
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Monday, 12 April 2010

Monday Madness

Posted on 08:12 by Unknown
I apologize for being absent from the Madhouse all last week. Two weekends ago my wife and I moved to a new apartment. I swear, moving has to be the fifth portal of Hell. Or it's the closest thing that we'll experience to Hell on earth. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm back and have a quote for every one. It inspired me over the weekend. I had come to a point of frustration with my novel that I was one the verge of scrapping it. I've heard many writers say to never scrap any project you're working on, but finish it no matter how bad it seemed. However, this project seemed to have no remedy. I wanted to put a bullet in it like Old Yeller. To me, that was the ultimate cure. Thankfully I vented my frustrations on Twitter, and one of my followers tweeted back some wonderful advice. 'Twas this . . .
The first draft of anything is shit.
The quote comes via Hemingway. As praised and he was/is I can only assume that he must be write. Therefore, when I woke this morning I resumed my work on The Land of Nod, and walked away with some wonderful results. Thank. The. Lord. I'm looking forward to waking up in the morning, sitting to write, and seeing where my story takes me.

Somehow, someway, you can apply this to your day and find some inspiration in Heminway's words. If your writer, don't File 13 whatever your working on. Don't stop. Tough it out. For God's sake, keep writing. Someone may need those words your putting to paper. Someone will read that story.

Before I bid everyone ado. My wife and I went to see The Bounty Hunter two weeks ago. Obviously I haven't blogged about it. Why? I didn't find the movie to be worthy of a review, honestly. But I will rank it for my movies of 2010. Here we go . . .

1. How To Train Your Dragon

2. Shutter Island

3. The Crazies

4. Alice In Wonderland

5. Book of Eli

6. Remember Me

7. Valentine's Day

8. The Bounty Hunter

This weekend I plan to see . . .



Until next time,

Adios and via con dios
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Posted in 2010 Movie Rankings, Monday Madness | No comments
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